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Month: July 2021

Nona Nona

The X Page: A Storytelling Workshop

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Nona Nona

by Nazmi Alkawash

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This is Nazmi, who came Canada in 2014 with my small family of five—me, my husband, two daughters, and mother in-law. My mother-in-law was dear to my heart. Her warm hugs and kisses were the source of my happiness. The best food and clothes she saved for me. When I was sick, her tender words overwhelmed me and filled my heart with love. 

I called her Mama because I felt that I was her daughter. She called me by the special name, Nona Nona.

We fled the war in Libya, fearing for our lives. When we arrived in Canada, I felt relaxed and happy after feeling fear for my family. 

Within a short time after moving to Ottawa, Mama began to feel sick. The situation was getting worse every day and it was difficult to know the reason. Moving from one hospital to another, the white paper and the pen were the two friends who came with me to doctors, and in the same paper, receiving answers from them to help me understand the situation when returning home. 

One night, we were watching TV in the living room. At 12:00 o’clock, I tried to wake Mama to take her to bed. I could see her eyes saying Nona Nona but she was not able to move her mouth. I ran and woke up my husband (wake up, wake up) and he called an ambulance. When I heard the knocking at 12:30 a.m., I opened the door, and the surprise was that they were carrying a lot of things, and the stretcher. My heart was beating a lot, fearing for her and for my husband, especially since he was her only son. 

Mama needed surgery. I was fearful and I was relieved the operation was successful. 

Our family moved to Waterloo for my husband’s school. I found myself living in the midst of wonderful community. The chemotherapy sessions were passing peacefully and still the paper and pen are the best friends to me on every visit to the hospital. I played the role of the nurse in caring for Mama. I studied to be a nurse back in Libya, but I could not finish the courses. Like a nurse, I had to withdraw water from her body, change her bandages, and clean the wound. 

I cared for Mama for four years.  This saved the family money, while my husband was studying. I was also learning language in a new way. 

After the doctors’ report that said she was in her last days, it was difficult to feel comfortable. Even my daughters, ages nine and ten, preferred to stay with her at home instead of going out or playing in the park. The first question when we had a plan to go out was, “Is Grandma coming with us?” If the answer was yes, that meant the best day. If the answer was no, the plans had to cancel. 

One night, at 3:00 a.m., I went to help her go to the bathroom like every night at this time. I did not hear her voice call me like she always did. My husband woke up to check her and he asked me to turn the light on. My eyes were looking to her face. Her face was like an angel with a smile. I kissed her and I felt her cold hands. I heard my husband say “Mama, Mama, wake up, wake up” but we did not hear any response. 

Until now at 3:00 am, the voice of that lady still echoes in my ears “Nona, Nona”.

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My Education

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My Education

by Maya Baltagi

MayaFinal

Your education shapes you.

The daily struggles, making friends; each step has its quirks. 

Now throw in constant change and country hopping and you’ve entered a whole new ball game. 

Like most kids of my generation from the Arab world, we got the chance to experience life and, of course, the education system not only in the country of our origin, but also the countries of our birth, and for the lucky few, a taste of the West. 

My journey begins when we leave Saudi Arabia for Houston, Texas. I am in preschool and mom CANNOT walk me to the bus stop.

 I’m determined to do it on my own. There is a small catch though. She has to stand on the porch blowing kisses and waving goodbye until the bus turns the corner or I will have an epic meltdown, the bus supervisor’s words not mine.

At my preschool graduation I keep inviting everyone over for cake as if I’m the only one graduating that day. I’m pumped for the next school year. We don’t end up staying though, it’s time to move back to Lebanon.

“We’re finally home!” I remember my mom saying. Lebanon was in the midst of a Civil War, the “Aoun years” and school, for lack of a better word, was interesting. We ride to school in small vans and go through a number of armed checkpoints between our home and school. It’s hit or miss if they will let us pass. 

The American Community School of Beirut overlooks the Mediterranean Sea. By contrast the field next door houses an army base, which was attacked one day when I was in school. Two grade one classes are crammed into the corner of one classroom. Gunfire can be heard flying overhead.

 Teachers plead with us to keep our voices down, but really how calm can you keep six and seven year olds when it feels like the world is ending. I’m in the first row of kids so I stand up to see what is happening. There is a big window facing the corniche and I can see people running and some falling to the ground. 

What’s that expression again? Out of the frying pan into the fire. 

We escaped one armed conflict only to find ourselves in another. You have to laugh at the irony. It’s 1990, we are now in Saudi, and Iraq invades Kuwait. We have been issued gas masks and are required to carry them with us at all times, even to school. Our school that typically has 2000 students is down to 500, perhaps less. All non-Arab students have fled the country. 

The rest of us can’t go back home, it’s safer for us to live out this conflict here than the ones in our native countries. 

There is definitely an upside to all this, I met a second cousin I never knew I had. A few friends have similar experiences.

Four years later we are back in Beirut. 

Can you see the pattern? 

I finish off my highschool and undergrad years in Lebanon itching for the next adventure. Opportunity strikes and I make my way to Scotland to continue my graduate degree but not without my mom finding someone she befriends to “keep me safe.” I’m the baby and I have a medical condition that worries my mother to this day. Deep down I was hoping I would be completely on my own like my sister when she went. Turns out though mom was right, don’t tell her I said that, if you do I’ll deny it. 

One day things got really bad and my roommates called an ambulance. 

I was taken to the hospital and got admitted for observation, a couple of days later aunty came and got me. 

I recuperated at her place for a week. 

Moms are always right, we fight them on things, but damn it they are always right. 

This was the plan, move to Canada with my new husband and continue my PhD, but oddly enough my UK degree is not recognized and I opt for a second Masters. I spend hours driving back and forth to Hamilton. In the end I didn’t hit that goal but I achieved one that was so much sweeter. 

We end up having three kids back to back, they are now our focus.  

For them stability is key. We have not moved since my arrival in 2007. 

Canada is their home, Kitchener in particular, but for me everywhere and nowhere feels like home. 

One thing I know for certain, home is where my family happens to be.

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An English Guy

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An English Guy

by Lina Alsafi

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“Why do you have to be an English guy!” I angrily said to my dad the second I got into the car.

My dad isn’t English. He is actually Iraqi. So I should explain why I said this to him. 

In my culture, an English person is someone who is always on time and sticks to the schedule. People in my culture are usually relaxed about time. But my dad was precise and wanted everything to be on schedule.

We were a family of four women. As the only guy, if we were heading to an event, he would be first one ready and kept reminding us to hurry and be on time, which was kind of impossible! 

On this day, when I was 16 years old, I had been at my friend’s birthday party. It was an amazing party. I met a lot of my friends there, and we were having so much fun I didn’t notice the time.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. I knew it was my dad even before my friend’s mom came and said “Lina, it is your dad!” 

The invitation said the party was supposed to end at 7 p.m. and it was 7 p.m. now. But the party wasn’t over.

This is when I got into the car and called my dad an English guy. I can remember it like it was yesterday. The street was dark and I could hear the news from the car radio, which he had to lower just to listen to me complaining!

“What happened,” he asked. “You didn’t have fun? Was it a dull party?”

“No. It was perfect,” I said. “But you came early! The party hasn’t finished yet. We haven’t had the chance to sing to her. And the most important thing: We haven’t eaten the cake!”

“But I didn’t come early. I just came on time,” he said.

“I know they said it will end at 7:00,” I replied. “But that did not mean you have to be here exactly at 7:00.”

I was angry but he answered me in a calm way. He even offered to wait so I could stay longer.

Then I started to feel bad because he was tired and came a long way to pick me up on time. I know he worked hard and wanted to go home and rest.

“No,” I said. “I can’t do that to you. You are tired. And what will you do here waiting for me?”

“Don’t worry about me,” he said. “I will read a book or keep listening to the radio.”

Looking back I know that he was exhausted and he was dreaming to go home and get some rest. But he gave up a nice evening at home so that I could have fun at a birthday party.

I lost my father 26 years ago. At that time, in the car that night, what he did seemed like a small thing. But now I think maybe he was planning to leave me with a remarkable memory so I could feel his love and share it with you almost 30 years later.

I feel ashamed I spoke to my dad this way but I am proud that I had a dad like him.

And I’m sorry that I lost him so early!

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Late Night Cake

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Late Night Cake

by Reema

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It is 1:00 am. Everything around me is darkness, except for a dim light from the small battery-powered lamp in the middle of the living-room. The light is so dim that I can hardly see the faces of my family, who are all still awake.

It is 1:00 am and they act as if it is 8:00 pm.

My brother Khaled, as usual, is fighting with my other brother Mohammed. Khaled thinks his age gives him the power to ask Mohommed to bring him whatever he needs. Sarah, my sister who hates fighting, stands up and says: “Both of you shut up, I’ll bring the pillow!” 

My mom is quiet this night, I am not sure if she is tired or sad.

My dad is smoking and surfing the Facebook pages. Every ten minutes he tells us one of the Facebook jokes which we all know, but we laugh. It is our dad, we should laugh.

Then suddenly, and from nowhere, small hands grab my cheeks! And Lolo turns my face toward hers and says: “Leema!” (which is close to my actual name, Reema), “Leema! What about making a cake!?” 

In less than a second my mom breaks her silence and says: “LOLO! It is too late for a cake!”

Alma, or as we call her, “Lolo,” is my youngest sibling, with a 20 year gap between me and her. She came to this world as a surprise; she is a gift from God to my family. 

In one of the largest camps in the world, and in a place like this which is full of sadness, stories, and tragedies, a little creature who was made from joy was born. She brings all the happiness with her and makes our house laugh again.

Because I am leaving this camp to go to Canada soon, I made a promise to do anything Lolo wants. I want her to remember me, her biggest sister, who loves her more than words can say. And without thinking, I say: “Yes, let’s make a cake.” 

Lolo hugs me and kisses my cheek and starts jumping and yelling: “keeekaaa keeeekkaa keekaa!” 

She is happy and I am more.

I turn on the flashlight on my phone and hold Lolo’s hand to walk to the kitchen. I can see my mom’s eyes clearly saying: You will clean that kitchen before you sleep.

I put everything we need on the ground; it will not be a good cake if Lolo does not help. I measure everything we need using cups. I set down a big bowl, and me and Lolo mash the banana. After that, the little hands pour the flour and sugar while I stir the mixture.

While Lolo is adding the last cup of flour, it drops from her hands, and the kitchen floor is covered with flour, flour all over our clothes. Lolo looks to me with crying eyes and says: “Assf, Assf,” so I hold her little hands.

While I am cleaning up, I look to her and say: “Do not be sorry, that is fine, we will clean it later, let’s finish the cake now.” Usually I may get annoyed about the mess, but these are my last days with Lolo and with my family, and I will not let anything bother me. 

We put the cake in the oven. After ten minutes, we smell it baking. Aromatic. Fresh. Sweet. I try to see it with the light from my phone, but I cannot. The oven looks dark and nothing is clear. 

Somehow, this reminds me of my future and my next step. I have no idea how it will be, just like I have no idea if the cake will rise, or not. Signing that paper makes it harder for me; how can a piece of paper cause so much pain? I still cannot believe that they will force me to sign that I cannot go back to Jordan, cannot see my family, cannot watch Lolo growing up. Why do I have to choose between my family and my dream? What is the right decision? How I can leave my mom? I saw with my own eyes how she spent nights crying for my sister, who left to go to France nine months ago!

And Lolo. How I can not hug Lolo again?

“Leema!!” Lolo says and interrupts my thought’s maze. “Is the cake ready now??”

Yes it is, Lolo. And guess who will take the first bite.

She screams: “LOOOLOOO!”

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Nunca más (Never Again)

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Nunca más (Never Again)

by Cecilia Vizcaíno

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Summer: I am eight years old. I am sitting on the floor of my grandparents’ house in Banfield, Buenos Aires, Argentina. It’s too hot outside. We just had lunch so my bon-papa needs a nap in his reclining chair. My bonne-maman is dozing as she tries to read a magazine in the other reclining chair.

The piano is on my left, but I cannot play it now, for obvious reasons. The windows are open and the sun filters through the grape vines. I can smell grapes smashed on the ground. I can hear the birds chirping outside, and the chicharras chanting in unison.

It’s quiet inside but I don’t feel like taking a nap. Behind me, on the chimney, is the gun. It’s always there, but it still scares me. My bon-papa used to be a policeman. He carries a gun when he’s out of the house. I guess the gun’s also taking a nap.

There are more guns hidden inside the house, but I don’t want to find them. There is one, though, that’s hard not to see. It’s a cannon, and it’s in the middle of the patio, in the backyard. It was a “gift” from my bon-papa to my bonne-maman. She likes to put pots with plants and flowers all around it. I think she is trying to cover it. I like climbing on it. I play that it’s a horse that flies and takes me away from scary things. I am not afraid of that cannon.

Fall: I am standing at the bus terminal with my mom. We are going to visit my grandparents for the weekend. Their house in Banfield is one hour away from the city apartment where I live with my mom. The bus ride is so long that I will probably fall asleep. Sometimes I wish I lived in a house instead of an apartment… 

It’s very noisy and dirty here with all the buses coming in and out. When they are quiet, I can hear the birds chirping in the tall trees. My mom’s hair shines under the sun. I like holding my mom’s hand and she likes holding mine. At this moment, I forget my fears. 

Winter: I am lying in bed at my grandparents’ house. It’s a big house and it’s so cold here. The bed is cold, the floor is cold, the air is cold. My bonne-maman is tucking me in, but she won’t stay long; she is tired. I hate sleeping here on my own. I wish my mom was here with me. I am afraid of the silence. Soon, my grandparents will go to bed too. Soon, I will hear my bon-papa snoring so loudly that I won’t be able to fall asleep. I don’t understand how they can sleep. Aren’t they afraid? I guess if I hear him snoring it means everything is fine and I should stop worrying? 

Their room is so far away and it’s so cold. What if someone breaks in? I won’t have time to run; they’ll find me. Will they come for me, or for my grandparents? Maybe they are coming for our neighbours…

I wish my mom was here with me. I hold on tight to my doll. Bad things happen at night, I heard.

Spring: I am sitting on the floor at my grandparent’s house. My mom and I have come for the weekend. She is sitting in a chair at the head of the dining-table and my grandparents are in their reclining chairs. We are watching TV—Bah, they are. I am playing with my doll. It used to be my mom’s when she was little. My bonne-maman made doll’s clothes for her and my bon-papa made her a blue bedroom set out of wood with a bed and a wardrobe. I like changing her clothes and putting her in the little bed to sleep. But that’s pretend! When we are going to bed, she sleeps cuddled with me!

My grandparents and my mom are watching the news. They are showing lots of people with Argentinian flags on the streets, cars honking. It reminds me of when Argentina wins a soccer match at the World Cup. But this time there are lots more people, I think. My mom is combing her hair with her fingers, she seems relieved. My bonne-maman is tapping her knees with her hands, happily. My bon-papa has a big smile under his big mustache and leans forward in his chair to hear the people on TV. They are saying things like “Democracy is back!” “Alfonsín won the elections!” “The military government is over!” I don’t know exactly what that means, but I will remember this feeling. I hug my doll. I watch everything. The windows are open, warm air blows in, rustling the new grape leaves. It is spring.

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The Factory

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The Factory

by Mandy Bao-Phuong Lam

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We awaken before the sun is up because her day starts much earlier than mine. Today, I am being taken to my mother’s workplace to experience a full day of work for the first time. My friends will be sitting in air-conditioned offices and lively storefronts to help their parents. But not me—no—I am going right to the front lines of the car parts factory that my mother goes to every day.

My mother is already dressed, pants pressed and shirt tucked. She is downstairs filling her lunch container with steamed white rice, some preserved Chinese sausage, and a side of veggies leftover from yesterday’s dinner. 

She is fast and efficient, and growing more annoyed with me by the minute as I drag my feet.

I hurry down the stairs and we hop into the Mazda MPV that makes whirring sounds when it shouldn’t. Her focus is on the road ahead, making sure she arrives at work on time, in order to park in her special parking spot—by the back door of the factory so that she can leave the barracks easily at the end of the day to go home. 

We park to the side of the building but enter through the front. I am a special guest, she says, so I must sign in with the office. She leaves me to get into uniform and I am given my own uniform— blue overcoat, steel-toed shoes, safety glasses and a hard hat. I am my mother’s younger self, just a trainee and not quite high enough in the ranks to get a uniform adorned with an embroidered name badge.

A buzzer goes off in the distance and my mother hurries me onto the factory floor. I am immediately assaulted by the sounds of the big machines hissing and stomping, whirring and squealing. My mother maneuvers across the floor with ease, leading the way as I follow behind, holding on to my hat and asking questions about the schedule for the day. 

At her station, she finds me a hard plastic chair and places it behind her in the farthest corner. Her station includes three large machines that form a “U” around a central worker. Each machine has a function—one cuts, one measures, one buffs—two thousand per day. My mother takes her place in the middle of these machines and when she turns them on, my senses are immediately assaulted again. The pungent smell of gasoline and metals infuse my nostrils and cause my eyes to water. 

At lunch, mother takes me to the locker room and when she opens her locker, I see the pictures that have been missing from the family albums, hanging all over the inside of the door. I am shocked, and equally embarrassed, that there are so many pictures of myself and my siblings, ranging from when we were toddlers until our current teenage years. 

I wonder why she has these photos in her locker when she sees us every day.

When she takes out her lunch bag, I am surprised to see that she has not packed me lunch. Instead, she treats me to a can of Chunky soup from the food truck at the back of the factory. We head back into the lunch room where my mother heats up her rice. I am overcome with gratitude for the treat, but also with tremendous guilt that my mother, yet again, is not eating the same meal with me.

When lunch is over, the buzzer goes off and we are back onto the factory floor. I watch my mother as she operates the big machines while I sit eight feet away, completely protected in gear. I notice that her blue uniform is adorned with floral patterns of oil and dirt. Her hair, burnt and dried from her home-perm, is hidden underneath the hard hat. And her hands, which often enjoy the weight of a pen, are covered with gloves that are far too big for her child-sized hands. 

She stands, with her back to me, like a soldier, stiff and at attention, guarding me from the fumes and oils of these big machines. This has been her post for the past ten years and it dawns on me then that those photos in her locker, are simply her reminders why.

What I learn on this day, at this dirty car parts factory, books could never teach me.

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