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Month: June 2021

Rachel Panico’s Writing Space

When the world stopped in March 2020, there was an awkward pause in my education involving constant mass emails from Wilfrid Laurier University about moving online that basically all said the same thing: “We’re working on it!” All my professors gave open-ended extensions on upcoming assignments because none of them knew what was going on either. Even after everything had been adapted, there was an apathetic cloud hanging over all profs and students for the remainder of the winter term that said, “Hand it in whenever.”

Back then I was living in a different building with a much smaller space, so I didn’t have the luxury to redesign or move furniture around because my bedroom was about the size of a walk-in closet. I had just enough space for a single bed, a desk so small it was more of a table, one dresser, and one bookcase. I had a second bookcase in the living room that I shared with an old roommate and my “closet” was literally a niche cut into the wall with a bar across where I could hang a few key items of clothing.

Instead, I ended up basically playing musical chairs with myself. I would spend a few hours sitting at my usual desk in my room, then I would switch it up and sit at the kitchen table for a while, then eventually migrate over to the couch or one of our old comfy chairs in the living room. This was a helpful strategy as the change of scenery helped me keep my focus but not ideal because when working in the shared spaces, my roommate would come in and out to cook or clean (while trying to be as quiet as possible).

Luckily, it was both of our last years as Undergraduates, so after graduating (sans ceremony) we moved out and I got another place because I was “going back” for Graduate school to get my Master’s degree in English literature. Moving into my new place, I had more space and time on my hands to rearrange and redecorate, especially considering when moving you have to do that anyway. I have a real desk now placed in front of the window for fresh air and sunlight, and on its smooth white surface, I keep some remote working essentials.

In the right corner, I have a small basket where I put my glasses, planner, and pencil case, and in the left corner, I have two of my favourite knick-knacks to add a personal touch  – my favourite goddess sculpture and a clear quartz crystal. On the wall beside the window hangs my calendar where important due dates and meetings are written, and a few souvenirs from Jamaica (bought back when travelling was allowed) that depict a few of my favourite pastimes – coffee, the sunset, and wine.

Now any student who experienced online learning the past year or so is way too familiar with Zoom fatigue. As a Grad student,

seminars + teaching + meetings = up to 7-10 hours of Zoom per day

When doomed with back-to-back seminars or meetings, the first zoom would receive 100% of my attention with the camera on and the second would receive 50% at most, with the camera off, much to some of my professors’ and/or supervisors’ annoyance.

TNQ BLOG LANDSCAPE IN-TEXT (2)

Now that the coursework portion is over and I have been given the opportunity of a co-op placement here at The New Quarterly, remote working has become its own routine with surrounding rituals.

8:00 a.m.: Wake up and prepare for the day in the bathroom with the same level of self-care I would as if I were physically going to an office. I also actually get dressed for the day and make myself a quick breakfast, even if I am feeling lazy and that just means tank top and shorts and a banana. That still works better for me than spending the entire day in the same t-shirt I slept in. I just cannot focus wearing PJs.

9:00 a.m.: Work-work-work-work-work-work (Rihanna reference)

12:00 p.m.: Lunch break

TNQ BLOG LANDSCAPE IN-TEXT (1)

12:30 p.m.: Back to work

4:30 p.m.: Quitting time! I like to go for walks after work to relax. I know being outside is scary right now but if I keep my mask on and always remain six feet away from people, I feel safe and am following Covid-19 safety regulations. Also, I received my first vaccination around a month ago.

TIP: Make sure to take small breaks in between tasks, even if it is just listening to a single song. A quick five minutes away from the screen here and there helps give my brain a nice pause but I am not stopping for so long that I lose motivation.

TIP: Try scheduling zoom meetings with at least an hour in between, so you can give yourself breaks. Being hunched over a screen for too long gives me back pain, headaches, red and sore eyes.

TNQ BLOG LANDSCAPE IN-TEXT (3)

After all that, the rest is pretty much up to me. Do I want to cook something for dinner or order food (eat local!)? Do I feel like working out or just hopping in the shower? Would I rather read a good book or chill out in the adorable world of Animal Crossing?

Whatever your space looks like, your routines and your rituals should reflect you as a person and your needs. With mental health on the decline, remote working is all about what makes your body feel better.

Rachel Panico is a graduate student at Wilfrid Laurier University with a master’s degree in English Literature. She completed her undergraduate degree at WLU as a double major in English Literature and Medievalism Studies. She previously worked with Blueprint and is the outgoing Circulation Assistant for TNQ. She is passionate about reading and writing and aspires to be an emerging young writer.

Photos courtesy of Rachel Panico.

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“Write What You Know” with Rachel Panico

The title is in quotation marks because this is what we say to young people who are interested in writing. Here’s the problem: as a young person, my first thought is, “But I don’t know anything yet. I don’t have as much life experience as you.” We feel we don’t have anything valuable to contribute even though we’re just overthinking it.

When I was hired to be the Circulation Assistant for The New Quarterly through a practicum placement for my Graduate degree, I was one of the rare few who came with previous knowledge and experience of the publishing world. (Shoutout to Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publications!) During my two years working with WLUSP, I had already decided:

This is what I love.

Not just reading and writing but encouraging others to read and write. There is so much more talent out there than we realize and it is all because we mistakenly tell people the above phrase.

Working with TNQ, I have learned the key differences between what a student publication looks like and what a national publication looks like. There are so many things that TNQ does that immediately made me think “Why didn’t we think of this?” (Like these blogs). Even working remotely, I am still finding myself engaged in this community.

My current supervisors, Emily Bednarz and Pamela Mulloy are great at finding that “zoom balance”. Remote training is extremely difficult without being able to get hands-on experience in the office and they know when a simple list of instructions will be clear enough and when a certain task will require a visual demonstration through screen share. Zoom “check-ins” are also used to ensure I am adapting well or ask me how I’m feeling about what I’m doing, if I feel I need extra guidance or if there are specific areas I’m interested in exploring more in-depth.

“When you feel that rush of inspiration, do not sit on the idea and wait for it to expand. This is a mistake I make all the time, and then I forget what I wanted to write about altogether. Write it down as it comes to you. Once you are in the zone, it will expand on itself.”

Sometimes Zoom is just used to replace the usual office chitchat and provide some social interaction (which is much needed considering most of us will be socially inept by the time this is over, or we will have picked up the habit of talking to ourselves).

Learning so much about publishing, in general, has extended to learning about my passions and how this experience has affected my own perspective on writing.

It took me years to figure out that the fragmented memories in the back of my mind are there for a reason. They are not tossed in the brain’s personal trash bin because they mean something to me. There is a subconscious philosophical reason why I remember this story from my past. What we should be telling young writers is “write what you remember.”

This is more of a memoir-style writing prompt, but I did not even know memoirs could be so interesting until Grad school, until reading all these beautiful creative nonfiction submissions we receive. This is also therapeutic when it comes to painful memories, like journal-writing. I am training my brain to pay attention to the little details I see and how they make me feel, which is important for character development (of myself and fictional characters).

The time your grandfather died. Write that down. Your first heartbreak. Write that down. Your last experience with discrimination. Write that down. This is how we practice.

When you feel that rush of inspiration, do not sit on the idea and wait for it to expand. This is a mistake I make all the time, and then I forget what I wanted to write about altogether. Write it down as it comes to you. Once you are in the zone, it will expand on itself.

What you “know” right now is what you remember,

no matter how fragmentary those memories are.

Rachel Panico is a graduate student at Wilfrid Laurier University with a master’s degree in English Literature. She completed her undergraduate degree at WLU as a double major in English Literature and Medievalism Studies. She previously worked with Blueprint and is the outgoing Circulation Assistant for TNQ. She is passionate about reading and writing and aspires to be an emerging young writer.

Photo by Peter Scherbatykh on Unsplash

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Poisonous If Eaten Raw: An Interview with Alyda Faber

This interview is following John Vardon’s poetry review of Alyda Faber’s Poisonous If Eaten Raw.

John Vardon: An online image of your collection is still advertised as Rain, In All the Ways It Falls, your original title for the book before Poisonous If Eaten Raw, which suggests that the change may have been relatively last minute. What prompted the change?

Alyda Faber: You’re right—we didn’t discuss the title until very late in the editing process. I assumed that Ross Leckie liked the title because, while editing my first book, that was one of the first things he talked about—the title (Leeuwarden Train Station) wouldn’t work for a North American audience. We were almost done editing this book; I happened to refer to the title, and Ross replied, “It’s got to go.” I don’t remember the details, but I think it had to do with his perception that the title was “too romantic” and didn’t suit the tonal panoply of the book.  

JV: One of the delights of this collection is the way you use ekphrasis to comment on familiar works of art and help readers see them in new ways. But it strikes me that it is also a way to reinterpret the “portrait” of your mother, allowing you to see things in your mother that two decades of reflection have brought to mind. Is this a fair observation?

AF: Thank you for this intricate question. The attempt to say something about a work of art is a fool’s errand and the same is true of my efforts to say something true about my mother. Both are laced with invention. And there’s pleasure in trying. In the years since my mother’s death, I have been searching for ways to understand her life, her choices, her character—but I’m curious about something more elusive—what was the “between” us like? What were we as mother and daughter? Of course, I had static interpretations of my mother, but these lived within a visceral sense of her that persists.  In P. D. Eastman’s book, Are You My Mother? [the subject of one of the mother portraits], a bird falls out of a nest and walks, then runs around looking for his mother. He approaches animals and objects, who either answer “no” or remain silent. Each of the portraits began with an encounter much like this, either in the present or in memory. And whether it was a quince, a painting, a photograph, a sculpture, and so on, the encounter animated a sense of possibility—something here might relate to my mother—as if the artwork or object or person answered yes/no to the question the bird asks with growing desperation.

JV: One of my favourite poems is “Portrait of My Mother as Two Hot-Water Bottles,” one of these objects being made of traditional rubber and the other a “repurposed artillery shell.” To me, these objects suggest the warmth of both affection and anger, one that burns and the other that comforts, both unpredictable but preferable to extended coldness. This is the kind of speculation that your portrait poems draw from the reader, but then I recall the words of the mother in a poem about a Salvador Dali painting: “Do I give myself away in what I see?” This is a long-winded way of asking how deliberately inexplicit these varied likenesses are.

AF: The “varied likenesses” are as explicit as I can make them in my attempt to remain true to the relationship. The inexplicitness says that I can never say “finis” in the search for my mother; I don’t get dropped into the nest at the end to find my mother looking back at me, as in the P.D. Eastman story. I keep searching for her in un-likenesses, yet it’s there that I perceive a fleeting satisfactory and jarring likeness.

JV: I also appreciated the three poems devoted to the band members of Rush: Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart (the poem about the latter being made all the more poignant by his death last year). The choice of the group seems apt because its musical identity changed over the years, perhaps in keeping with your book’s purpose. However, the attention lavished on these figures, based on extensive research, suggests more than a casual acquaintance with their music. Why was this group so much closer to your heart, if you will forgive the cheesy allusion?

AF: As a teenager, I used to spend a lot of time listening to my older brothers’ records, and of those, I played Rush’s 2112 the most often. Looking back, I could invent reasons for my connection with this album: the orchestral virtuosity, the expression of defiance, the possibilities of art… All of this may be true, but less articulable is how I was caught by the music’s open and wide-ranging emotional expression— “There’s something here as strong as life. I know it will reach you.” And it did reach me. Living in a household where emotion was usually either suppressed or aggressively acted out, I found that this openness of expression gave me a sense “there is a world elsewhere” as Shakespeare’s Coriolanus says while banishing those who banish him.  As for the “extensive research,” I used it as a way to immerse myself in the work of the band, in hopes that poems would emerge.

After writing the Peart and Lee poems, I was left with what felt like the near impossibility of the Lifeson poem. Referring to Lee’s love of “ballady” songs, Lifeson calls himself the “dirty, gritty guy” in the band: he was harder for me to get to know both musically and otherwise, so I was at a loss as to how a Lifeson mother portrait might develop.  Despite the harried difficulty, I was also strongly motivated, by a scene in the documentary Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage, not to leave him out: a waitress approaches Geddy Lee for his autograph, ignoring Lifeson, sitting right next to him.  

JV: I sense that the language in these poems is not only meticulously chosen but also rigorously self-edited. But I wonder too about the input of third parties, for example, poet Ross Leckie, whom you thank in your acknowledgments for his attention to “the tonal resonances of the book as a whole.” Can you elaborate?

AF: Other people are crucial to my writing process. I’ve learned to become a much better self-editor from various poets I’ve worked with, including John Barton, Sue Goyette, Steven Heighton, and the extensive editing process with Ross Leckie on both books. For Poisonous If Eaten Raw, in Dalhousie University writing workshops Sue encouraged me to take more risks and to invent; her precision editing and comments suggested ways to do this. The early unfolding of the book came from her suggestion that I consider writing more poems “like this one” when she read “Portrait of My Mother as Pope Innocent X.”  At Sage Hill poetry workshops, Steve offered two critical interventions: his ability to teach how the sound “makes things more visible,” and his suggestion that I cut two sections from the omnibus manuscript I was working on (mother portraits, other portraits, testament).

I met regularly with the Dublin Street Poets (Rose Adams, Brian Bartlett, Jeri Brown, Maryann Martin, John McLeod, Marilynn Rudi), whose comments on punctuation, diction, syntax, line breaks, and overall impressions of the poems gave me a sense of which poems were working, and how, and which were not. A welter of voices before Ross worked on each poem in the book, sometimes with a very light editorial touch, other times with his sleeves rolled up. He’s a great teacher of poetics during the editing process!  In his consideration of the manuscript as a whole, he cautioned me against an unrelenting grimness, like hitting the same note over and over again on the piano. My compass needle all too easily vibrates toward the negative; sometimes I need other people to alert me when I’m finding perverse safety there (again).

Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash

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