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Month: January 2019

An Inside Look at TNQ

Entering The New Quarterly office for the first time was nerve-wracking. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that my previous English teacher had worked with the publication, and that I would now be working there for the next five months.

What I found was a welcome surprise; possibly the best co-op placement I could have asked for. A small office packed with four desks and a very quickly approaching festival on hand that had me jumping into my work within the week.

I had no real experience in drafting formal emails and helping organize applications, but I learned. Throughout my time with TNQ, I picked up new skills and found myself diving deeper and deeper into the world of Canadian Literature. It felt intimidating at times, surrounded by such talent and well thought-out work (most of my own writing comes to a standstill after a while). However, it also allowed me to better understand the true value of a written work and try to value my own works as much as the other fabulous pieces I got to read every day.

I was also blessed with the chance to attend (and help host) the Wild Writers Literary Festival in November, where I met so many talented authors, young writers attending as a part of the bursary program, and long-time TNQ supporters. It was a wonderful experience that I hope to replicate in the years to come.

I joined The New Quarterly’s office as a part of the UCEP program with the University of Waterloo—a program which allows high school students to experience a semester at university and discover whether they want to continue on a particular academic path.

 

The program helped me decide on my current route into postsecondary education, and my time at TNQ has firmly cemented my love for writing and literature as the front-runner in my top career choices. As my family could tell you, this happy success is largely in part to the supportive and hardworking staff at The New Quarterly and all the groundwork they laid to help me build my own success.

As I left the office for the last time, it felt surreal—like I would be returning the next day regardless. But it didn’t happen; instead, I sat at home and pondered what to do now with my sudden free time.

The obvious answer was to write (and study for upcoming exams), which is what I continue to do. Since beginning my time in my co-op, I have found it much easier to write pieces of short fiction and even dabble in some poetry writing. I know that I will continue to be a future TNQ supporter and will hopefully inspire more young writers to enter the UCEP program, or to even simply explore their possibilities by looking into publications like TNQ.

And so, I bid a fond farewell to this wonderful chapter and will continue forward with my pen in hand to write the next. Although, this will hopefully not be the last you hear from me, because once you come on board with TNQ, you never truly leave.

 

Photos provided by Emilie Huhse and Jen Collins

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  • Emilie Huhse

Woman of the Drum: A Tribute to Jean Becker and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak

Woman of the Drum

For Jean Becker and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak

 

 

Woman of the drum.

You bend the hoop of your life around us.

Woman of the drum.

You shape teachings into circle wisdom.

Woman of the drum.

You stretch your laughter blue sky taut.

Woman of the drum.

You lace sorrow into a handhold for beauty.

Woman of the drum.

You beat the heart song of the deer who gave her breath.

Woman of the drum.

You dance stories with the language of your limbs.

Woman of the drum.

You sing healing the way spring sings rain.

Woman of the drum.

You vision bloodstream into spiritstream.

Woman of the drum.

You journey with medicine music.

Woman of the drum.

You rhythm our broken lives into song.

Woman of the drum.

Together we sing our passage.

Woman of the drum.

Woman of the drum.

 A Tribute to Jean Becker and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak

Pungent smell of burnt sage. Haze in the air. Chanted vocalizations. Drummers gather in a circle around a newly fashioned frame drum held horizontally, a pinch of loose tobacco scattered across the drumhead.  The drummers beat in unison. The collective sound of a common heart beat. Then it happens: resonance. The drumhead vibrates as it listens to the drumbeats that surround it. The tobacco strands dance on the stretched deerskin. A new drum is birthed. Ready now to sound. Ready now to sing.

“Drums have spirit. They are not just objects,” says Jean Becker, Inuit elder and Senior Advisor of Indigenous Initiatives at Wilfrid Laurier University. Her life journey stands as a testament to that conviction. A journey that starts, however, without a drum, without ceremony, without connection to her Indigenous roots. A journey that awakens, transforms, and inspires. A journey she invites others to take into the spiritual realm.

Born in remote and sparsely populated Nunatsiavut, Labrador, Jean is of Inuit and English ancestry. She has early memories of her family living on the land eating seal, caribou, fish, partridge, and geese. But while the diet may have been traditional, the ongoing destruction of her cultural heritage meant she rarely experienced expressions of Indigenous beliefs and rituals. There was no drumming in her childhood, no Aboriginal ceremony. Instead the Christian church dominated… or tried too. As a young girl, Jean rejected what she considered to be hypocrisy in the church, the disparity between the teachings and the actions of the adherents.

But nothing from her Inuit background remained to fill the void. She left home at 17. An atheist? An agnostic? She was unsure. Certainly without a spiritual centre.

Eventually, after many travels, she made her home in Southwestern Ontario where she encountered the Anishinaabe culture and the teachings of elders Art and Eva Solomon. Her welcoming experience was underscored by her recognition that her new teachers actually embodied what they taught. It was a refreshing difference. Art, who was at the forefront of the revival of Indigenous spiritual traditions, introduced her to a Midewiwin sacred ceremony. The impact was profound. Jean began to see herself differently. To see herself as someone who had value. She began to fully understand the fundamental idea: all beings are connected.

Jean also came to the realization she was someone who could make a difference. She joined Art in his work to bring Indigenous cultural practices into the prison system as a way to offer healing and transformation. Guiding her, on what would become her own transformational journey, were her newly learned traditional values, the Seven Grandfather Teachings: Respect, Truth, Bravery, Wisdom, Honesty, Humility, and Love. It was a challenging road.  And through the trials of her own conflicts, failures, and emotional pain, she confronted a question Art often asked: “What does it mean to walk with Love?”

She found the answer in serving others. She had experienced the powerful effects of ceremonial gatherings, but while pursuing an academic career in Southwestern Ontario, Jean lived in an urban environment that offered few opportunities for connection among the Indigenous community. She set out to change the often solitary walk.  In 2003, living and working in the Kitchener-Waterloo area, Jean organized a way for Indigenous urban women to meet, to socialize, and to find their voices: a drum circle.

Jean, however, did not own a drum, and she didn’t know any songs… yet. But the point was to form the circle; the drum and the songs would follow. With the help of Barbara Waterfall, a “Song Carrier”, Jean learned her first songs.  In a drum-making workshop, she made her first frame drum. The ritual “birthing” of the drum revealed its distinctive voice and its purpose in calling both Indigenous and non-Indigenous women to form a community around the Seven Grandfather Teachings. Reaching into her Anishinaabe experience for a suitable name, she called the group Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak: The Good Hearted Women Singers. As participants shared songs from different Indigenous traditions, the circle grew into an opportunity to discover and express both individual and collective cultural identity.  For many displaced women the drum circle became a safe place to share life experiences, a healing place to recover from emotional wounds, and a spiritual place to encounter the sacred dimension. According to Jean this progression was not so much her doing as it was a natural evolution that came from drumming and singing together: “The drum is the healer not the drummer.”

For thousands of years across diverse cultures, the drum has evoked the heartbeat of mother earth, the rhythmic power of the life force. In our mother’s womb, the first sound we experience is the heartbeat. No wonder drumming elicits a primal response. Drumming in unison summons our sense of shared connection with one another. It energizes both our bodies and minds. And for some, drumming carries them across a threshold into the spiritual realm. Such has become Jean’s passage.

Jean’s life-altering journey has opened the door for others to be changed as well. The spiritual animation of the drum circle comes out of careful and respectful preparation. The circle is opened with smudging, the burning of medicinal plants such as sage, sweetgrass, tobacco or cedar, as a ceremonial cleansing. The ancestors and their teachings are invoked as part of the welcoming ritual that includes the prayerful expression of intentions. No one person leads the songs. Rather, various individuals, taking turns, are encouraged to start the singing and are vocally supported by the group. Regardless of the musical talents of individuals, the attitude is the same: no one beats out of time; no one sings out of tune. The women follow a “sweetgrass teaching”. One blade of sweetgrass is not strong, but braided together the sweetgrass is resilient. Thus they support one another both in the drum circle and in their extended lives bound by a sense of community.  After several rounds of singing, “The Travelling Song” bids a ritual farewell and acknowledges the connection to all things as represented through the physical movement of the drummers’ bodies turning full circle as they successively orient themselves to “The Four Directions.” The entire experience, with the frame drum at the heart, offers a portal to the sacred.

Thus Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak thrived. As did Jean, confirmed in her sense of purpose and direction. But illness can beat a jagged rhythm in our lives. Even in the life of a “Song Carrier”. Struggling with serious liver disease in 2007, Jean passed her role on to someone who had also been transformed by the power of the drum: Kelly Laurila. With Indigenous Sami background from Finland, Kelly had heard the call and had previously found her voice within the group.  As Kelly and the Good Hearted Women offered support with healing songs and prayers, Jean turned to maintaining the very drumbeat of her heart.

Kelly continued the teachings and approach upon which Jean had founded the group.  She also extended the group’s reach into the community. More and more the women were asked to perform at various social events. Not established as a performance group, they were stretched and challenged; but public presentations allowed them to carry their Indigenous voices beyond the immediate drum circle into a dynamic relationship with the wider community. Gradually Kelly increased the cadence. She actively sought ways for the group to interact with Settler People using music as a commonality. Events under the banner “Bridging Communities Through Song” hosted by Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak in partnership with other organizations, including the Police Choir, became forums for initiating dialogue and fostering understanding.  Of course there were awkward moments and tensions, but the language of the drum resonated across cultures.

And Jean’s imperiled health? The jagged rhythm almost became no rhythm at all. As her illness progressed, only a transplant could save her. The wait was fraught with apprehension. The odds unfavourable. In the end, the woman who had devoted her life to serving others received the gift of life from a stranger. Another profound experience. Another rebirth. All beings are connected. The rhythm of renewal had prevailed.

After her remarkable recovery, Jean returned to her work as an educator at Wilfrid Laurier University. In the broader community she has responded to the call of being an elder: listening, encouraging, guiding and conducting traditional ceremonies. Throughout she has continued to ask, “What does it mean to walk with Love?” The narrative of her life-song and its ongoing legacy of service to others remains the answer. She has become what she admired in her first teachers: an embodiment of values taught. She has become The Woman of the Drum.

 

I first met Jean in 2005 while collaborating as a team member on the development of a high school program for Indigenous youth at St. Paul’s University College, affiliated with the University of Waterloo. The idea was to provide the students with the experience of university lectures, seminars, labs, as well as cultural teachings from elders in circle gatherings as a way to inform, inspire, and encourage further education. Jean, who fulfilled the role of Aboriginal Counsellor at St. Paul’s, understood the diversity of culturally appropriate ways to transmit knowledge and wisdom.

As part of the experience, she included a drum-making workshop for the students, faculty, elders and staff. In this setting I cut out and stretched a deerskin across a cedar frame, tightened the rawhide lacings, and made my own drum. Participating in a drum birthing ceremony, with the tobacco strands animate on the head of the drum, I experienced not just the resonance of sound but also a trembling hope. Together we were learning a few small steps in the dance towards greater mutual understanding.

Jean’s health issue, however, threatened that hope; and the crisis prompted a group of friends to quilt a healing blanket during the long and intense time of her surgery.  I also felt that impulse to create as a way to counteract the shock of her possible loss. “Woman of the Drum” first emerged then as a poem in tribute to Jean and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak.  A natural extension, given the thematic intent, was to envision the poem becoming song.

Now years later, composer Owen Bloomfield has realized that imagined concept through a choral setting that includes Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak’s participation with Indigenous drumming and song. The piece has developed as two sets of voices, initially singing alternately across traditions: the Indigenous and the Euro-Western.

In Owen’s own words: “What transpires is a musical dialogue of sorts, following the metaphor from the Two Row Wampum Treaty where the First Nation canoe and the European ship travel side-by-side each on their own course as friends and never trying to steer the other’s vessel.”

Respectful listening to distinctive voices, an essential element of the composition, leads ultimately to greater understanding and engagement as the two groups eventually sing together in the spirit of common music making  — Bridging Communities Through Poetry and Song.

Choral Presentation of “Woman of the Drum”

Inshallah and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak at
Inshallah & Inshallah Kids “Singing with our Neighbours” event

Featuring a Tribute to Jean Becker and Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak

March 24, 2019
3:00pm

Knox Presbyterian Church, Waterloo, Ontario
Pay what you can.
Proceeds to Aboriginal Student Support at Wilfrid Laurier University

Thank you to Kelly Laurila and Melissa Hammell for their personal narratives as members of Mino Ode Kwewak N’gamowak.  Appreciation also to Debbie Lou Ludolph, director of Inshallah, a Martin Luther University College singing community of over 130 voices musically celebrating diversity.

 

Cover image by Flickr user Chris Murtagh

 

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  • Rae Crossman

Why I Value the Humanities Wing

“Humanity’s Wing,” my story in the current issue of The New Quarterly, is set in the Humanities Wing at the University of Toronto Scarborough, the building that has served as my teaching and creative home for the last nine years. The Humanities Wing, along with the Science Wing, forms
the Andrews Building, which, when it opened in 1966, was one of the largest concrete buildings in the world.
I find the work undertaken in this building inspiring and sustaining, and I find the building itself endlessly fascinating to wander and explore. It was this combination of affection, inspiration, and fascination that, when confronted with the reality of Trump’s prototype border walls, spurred me to write “Humanity’s Wing.”

Given how prominently the building figures in the story, I wanted to supplement the piece by sharing some photographs of, and reflections on, five features I value about this Brutalist beauty.

1. The Texture of the Walls 

I am always struck and transfixed by the signs of the labour that went into constructing the building, the traces of the wood moulds and faded scribbles. I also love the way you can frame sections of the walls with your eye and reveal a range of stunning images. This photo includes rich knots of wood, and, to my eye, a supine/prone duck-rabbit.

What do you see?

2. The Inter-Connected and Escher-Like Halls 

Designed to function like a sort of open city, with the halls like balconies opening above and below other halls, the Humanities Wing comes alive with the activity of students and staff, conversing and working. However, one downfall of this design is the halls are not as connected as they might appear. For example, the third floor classrooms visible from my hallway are not actually accessible from my hall. Many panicked students, late for class (or looking for a bathroom), have knocked on my door, desperate for help. This shot, taken from the fifth floor, captures glimpses of the fourth and third floor hallways.

3. The Way the Building Takes and Shapes Natural Light 

The skylights fill the Humanities Wing with natural light, and the building, in turn, does all sorts of magical and menacing things with this light. One step down the hallway moves you into a soothing ray, while another may enact a Dr. Caligari-esque estrangement.

4. The Many Film and Television Productions Shot in the Building 

As a movie junkie, I love the cinematic quality of the architecture and, in turn, how often the Andrews Building appears on the big and small screen. It has served as everything from a post-Apocalyptic prison in the Resident Evil series to a Martian earth base on The Expanse. My two favourite personal connections are: my office window being visible in an oft-used establishing shot of UTSC as FBI HQ in Hannibal and the time Denis Villeneuve, while shooting Enemy, had my office door covered with a false wall for three days (sadly, despite my sacrifice, the scene did not make the final cut).

Pictured here: a Humanities Wing stairwell or the portal to the mother ship?

5. The Openings on the Outside 

The Rouge Valley surrounds the building and the many windows open up on striking and hypnotic flashes of nature.

Bonus. The Strange Flies in the Bathroom 

These weird, tiny flies have infested the lone stall in the fourth floor bathroom. I feel a real affection for them. I think it’s because of their ornate wings, and the combination of the ephemeral and the enduring they manifest. One time, I walked in on a custodian trying to eradicate the flies, scrubbing down the stall and spraying cleaner into the drain the flies call home. I am happy to report they survived and flourish.

Photos by Daniel Scott Tysdal
and Flickr user  Jeff Hitchcock

 

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  • Daniel Scott Tysdal
  • Issue 148
  • Writer Resources
  • Writing Spaces

Ayelet Tsabari’s Writing Space

Writing Spaces

When I was younger, I used to be able to write everywhere. Park benches, cafes, buses, in bed. Now, I need my own desk and chair, and I need them be just right. I want comfort, and I want to be surrounded by my things, photos of loved ones and art and quotes that inspire me, books and mementos. Of course, it would have been nice an entire room to myself—a room of one’s own—but since I have a family and a small apartment in an expensive city, I have to settle on a corner. In Toronto, I was lucky enough to claim a corner of the living room that was separated by a book shelf, and since the living room was on a different floor than the rest of the house it felt fairly private. Last August we moved to Tel Aviv, and now I’m literally banished to a corner of the living room, writing in the middle of the house, while the kid and her friends run around and my partner is on the phone, or making dinner, or doing whatever. Some days, I try to wake up early to steal some quiet hours to write. I still love my little corner: my desk is facing a large window, which offers plenty of sunlight, breeze, and a nice view of the Tel Aviv skyline. I like having a window to the world and I like watching the street when I write. In the fall and spring, when the window is open, I can hear people talking from below, catch snippets of phone conversations. Sometimes, because I am writing in English in a Hebrew speaking country (in which my work is usually set) it can be disorienting. But I’ve long embraced this dislocation as a part of my life and my writing. The most luxurious item in my writing corner is my electric desk, which rises up by the press of a button, so I can alternate between standing and writing. Once spring rolls in and the rain ends, I plan to find an old desk and an office chair and drag them up to the roof of the building so I can sit there from time to time and write in peace. I’m ridiculously excited about this plan.

Photos provided by Ayelet Tsabari

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  • Ayelet Tsabari
  • Issue 148
  • Writer Resources
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What’s Maureen Scott Harris Reading?

Barbara Taylor. The Last Asylum. University of Chicago Press, 2014.

A book I read earlier in the year that has lingered in my mind. In the 1980s, historian Barbara Taylor (born in Saskatchewan, now resident in the UK) published Eve and the New Jerusalem, a well-received study of 19th-century feminism and socialism. Taylor seemed on the brink of a fine career. But overtaken by anxiety, she became addicted to alcohol and tranquillizers. As part of her treatment, she entered into a lengthy Freudian analysis, and at one stage was admitted to Friern Hospital, just at the time asylums were being closed in Britain and North America. This extraordinary memoir is Taylor’s account of her analysis, nestled within her consideration of the treatment of mental illness and a history of asylums. Taylor doesn’t spare her analyst, herself, or the reader in her harrowing narrative, but the writing is beautiful and her candour creates a story both moving and fully realized. (Spoiler alert: all’s well that … )

The Last Asylum was a finalist for the RBC Taylor Prize in 2015.


Adam Nicolson. The Seabird’s Cry. Wm Collins, 2018.

Birds have been an important part of my life since I was about twelve, and so I often read about them. I am currently rereading Adam Nicolson’s The Seabird’s Cry—rereading, actually, because on my first go-through I simply gulped it down for the double pleasures of his knowledge and his language. Now I’m making notes. In the author’s own words:

This book … is an exploration of the ways in which seabirds exert their hold on the human imagination … Until recently not much has been known about the lives of seabirds. Nicolson writes the lives of ten different species, among them puffins and the albatross.

These are birds he knows intimately (he’s been watching many of them since he was eight-years-old), and he is equally intimate with both the science and the poetry that have scrutinized, questioned, described, and recorded them over the centuries. His infectious wonder fills and fuels the book, as it fuels the search for knowledge about these birds. To quote him again: the astonishing findings of modern seabird scientists means that a sense of wonder now emerges not from ignorance of the birds but from understanding them. There’s also the beauty of his writing. Here’s a taste of it as he spells out the attraction of the albatross:

… the heart of their beauty: the mutual enveloping of what they are and where they are, with no boundary between organism and environment. Each enfolds the other so that they become the acrobats of ocean and wind, their liquid, floating, commanding presence one aspect of the natural world which requires nothing but a pair of eyes and a readiness to look.

I could go on, but better you should read the book.

Photo provided by Flickr user David Meurin

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  • Maureen Scott Harris
  • Issue 148
  • Who's Reading What
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What’s Maya Keshav Reading?

Who’s Reading What?

Bonheur d’occasion, Gabrielle Roy

I didn’t pick up this Montreal classic until I’d already left the city. As soon as I opened it, though, I was instantly transported back to the neighbourhood of Saint-Henri, and back in time to WWII. The novel follows a working-class Québécois family as they fall in love, go to work, hang out in diners, sign up for the army, and try everything to make ends meet. It’s very sensitively written: the author takes us right into the minds of all the characters, especially Florentine, the adolescent daughter, as she nurtures a massive crush on someone who barely cares. Most of us have been there… 

I lived in Saint-Henri for some time in 2015-2017, and already I could tell the neighbourhood was rapidly changing. Stores selling machine equipment and uniforms were getting replaced by minimalist falafel places, and microbreweries filled with well-dressed young professionals. I went back this summer, and barely recognized the crowd at the metro station. More now than ever before, Bonheur d’occasion is a time capsule.

Photo provided by Maya Keshav

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  • Maya Keshav
  • Issue 148
  • Who's Reading What
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Frances Boyle’s Writing Space

Writing Spaces

My writing space is – finally – relatively spacious. After our daughters moved out of the home we’ve lived in for 20+ years, my partner and I each took over one of their former bedrooms, abandoning the adequate but far from ideal office spaces we’d used for the first decade and a half – basement (chilly and slightly mildewy) and a room off the kitchen (often noisy and full of house-traffic).

My space is now painted a sunny yellow, has plenty of light, and is crammed with things I love to have close at hand. Bookshelves of course: poetry flanking both sides of the desk, fiction (authors A-Mc) along another wall, and a small shelf with various places where my work has been published (including THREE issues of TNQ!). Artwork, including the first original art I ever bought (a wintery water colour), illustrations from fairy tales and children’s books, two favourites among paintings by my late mother-in-law, a couple of pieces given to me as gifts, a line drawing entitled ‘Shy’ that people have said looks like me, and some palm-sized prints by Chris Tse and Manahil Bandukwala pinned to the end of one of the bookshelves.

Lotsa tchotchkes (or mathoms as I prefer to think of them, after hobbits’ collections) grace the tops of the shelves, and most other surfaces. I have cloisonné and pottery that belonged to my mother, craft projects my children made for me, small gifts, and objects that I somehow acquired and that seem to belong. Spirals abound, in a carved stone fossil ammonite dish that holds two other ammonites, on a silver dish where I keep a spell-bottle my niece Nicole made for me, and on a ceramic bowl with a collection of buttons. Family photos, tote bags with meaningful logos, various assemblages of feathers/stones/shells/dried flowers…

I fight a constant battle with paper, trying to keep things more or less under control so that clutter doesn’t frazzle the edges of my concentration.  I recently gave away, to a grad student acquaintance, an old desk from the basement. But getting rid of it meant that its jam-packed contents spent several months in boxes stacked around my writing room. Conquering the chaos by sorting and finding space for all that stuff in the closets and drawers in my room felt like a major accomplishment.

Of course, not all of my writing happens here. Most of my pen-and-notebook work is done in an armchair, either in the living room beside my ‘to be read’ stack of books and magazines, or in the room off the kitchen, which now houses the M-Z fiction bookshelves along with the TV. But the writing room is where I sit, at my insufficiently ergonomic desk, to do the real work of revising and fine-tuning my poetry and fiction, as well as writing pieces like this one. It’s also where I take care of the business part of writing – research (aka getting lost down internet rabbit holes), submitting to journals, such self-promotion as I feel comfortable with, staying remotely connected with writer friends, and spending almost certainly too much time on social media. I’m grateful for the privilege of this space, the touchstone objects I’ve filled it with, and the comfort and inspiration of the memories they evoke.

Photos provided by Frances Boyle

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  • Frances Boyle
  • Issue 148
  • Writer Resources
  • Writing Spaces

Portrait of the Writing Space as a Barn

Writing Spaces

I grew up in a barn, a creaky lug of a building almost a century old and sided with rust-streaked tin. To understand the composition and function of my writing space, my office, you need to understand my family’s barn; jotting down notes to compose this reflection, I have realized how much our barn shaped the space in which I work and write.

Our barn was like a dusty soup of sediment that never hardened into separate strata, the artefacts of different generations preserved and stirred together with the building’s fluid functions. Our barn was a museum in which you could grip the dust-greased remnants of decades past: the blacksmith hammer, the banged up Players Tobacco tins, the boxes of issues of LIFE. Our barn was a zoo that housed up to twenty cats, just as many pigeons, and a handful of wilder critters. It was a playground in which you pretended to lose your life in a variation on tag we called “Zombie” or in which you put your life on the line for real playing basketball in the loft, a ten-foot drop into an ancient buggy looming where the three-point line should have arced. Our barn was a workshop, too; we kids helped when needed, but mostly, while dad and grandpa laboured, we constructed wooden toys, sliver-giving guns or barely pond-worthy boats for G.I. Joes.

My office is like our barn, similarly layered and swirling with different identities and items. It is characterized by a blend of uses: HQ for my university work (prepping, grading, emailing, etc.); a meeting place for one-on-ones, the creative writing group, my smaller classes; and a space for me to hunker down and write. My office is also packed with objects from all phases of my life: books, posters, mementos, curio, cards, and gifts, this heap fittingly ornamented with items previously stored in our barn—my Ron Hextall carnival cut-out and Billy Ocean air guitar.

As a writer, I thrive in this accumulation and clutter. This surrounding fullness, this visual busyness, produces in me a sense of calm, a sort of empty openness. This experience is comparable to when an elementary school science teacher spins the colour-filled wheel to—like magic—produce a hypnotizing blank. On the flipside, when I am stuck, I can almost always find inspiration by paging through an art book or poetry collection or by glancing around my office or by staring at my collage wall and spacing out.

As a writer, I also value the fact that my office is a multi-use space. I think this is the case because my default state is self-scribed isolation, loathing, and shame, some terrible stream of my being always keen to toss me over, drag me under. The other work that happens in my office is part balloon and part anchor, at once lifting me up to and grounding me in a stable and sustaining community.

My collage wall is the most visible manifestation of this, filled as it is with images, cards, drawings, and mementos from students, family, and friends. When I need help, taking in this wall feels the same as giving myself over to a trusted and supporting embrace. Through these artefacts, these lives materialize, manifesting memories and the endurance of our connections; and, in a way, I experience these memories and connections—the presence of these wonderful lives that have made and make and will continue to craft—as a sort of barn in which my best self is preserved and spurred to create.

 

Photos provided by Daniel Scott Tysdal

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  • Issue 148
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